When your past comes back to bite you
Posted on 14. Dec, 2009 by Laura in Uncategorized
Harassedmom is down so I am using this space because I have to get this out.
We went to a Christmas/Birthday/Golf Prizegiving party on Saturday night with some of Plane Boys friends.
It was a lovely evening. Lots of laughs and fun times 
About half way through the evening though something happened that transported me back 4 years. Plane Boy and I had a conversation. A conversation that eventually I was having all day every day with my ex husband. It was the issue that ultimately destroyed our marriage and it was there from the start and got worse and worse.
The words Plane Boy spoke are words I have heard so many times. They are words that fulled me with fear and tension.
I walked away. I didn’t know what to do or how to deal with it. So I hid in the bathroom for a bit. I have blogged before how I feel so very pretty when I am with Plane Boy but when I looked in the mirror that night I felt ugly. I felt insecure and scared.
Despite that though I walked out and we talked through it. I know that it doesn’t come from the same place as it did with my ex. I know that what we have is real and proper. I trust what we have.
I hate that I still have these feelings of total and utter fear sometimes. I hate that I still have these wounds that still pop open. I don’t want to feel these things. I want to be happy and secure.
I love though, that Plane Boy lets me talk about it. I love that he listens. I love that he understands that there are parts of me that are less than perfect.
Gilz
Dec 14th, 2009
Hope you guys talk through it.
Wenchy
Dec 14th, 2009
EK jou nou so ‘n mail gestuur ne
Alet
Dec 14th, 2009
As much as what you are going through is uncomfortable and hard – this is how you deal with the fear.
You are overcoming it as we speak!
Shayne
Dec 14th, 2009
I think past hurts and issues always pop up when you least expect them too. But the fact that you and D are able to discuss them and not get angry and fight about it, is a good sign.
I think sometimes what also happens is that you react the same way you used to, purely out of habit. Once you can get past that you’re on your way out of it.
Sounds like he’s a goodie tho.
Jeanette
Dec 14th, 2009
(((HUGS))) my friend, hope you managed to talk to him about it
Damaria Senne
Dec 14th, 2009
I’m glad that he listens to you ands accepts you for who you ( ugly bits included). I think that’s what love is about. It’s easy enough to love your beloved for his/her good points, but i think we all need to have someone in our lives who knows the imperfections and still loves you.
Sally
Dec 15th, 2009
The past will always affect us in some or other way. I guess being able to talk through it and look at the issues it brings up means that you can be adult about it and not let the past have the power anymore. I look at you and know the future can be better