Raising non violent children
Posted on 30. Nov, 2009 by Sally in Uncategorized
It is the 16 Days of Activism for Non violence against women and children. at the moment from 25 November to 10 Decemeber. I wrote an article on my own personal blog about the 16 Day and I must admit it is very hard to write anything that feels like it will make any discernable difference.
As parents however I do feel we have the responsibility to look at what we are going as individuals and as a society that has let this problem get to such epic proportions. It is clear that we need to have a rethink on what we are teaching our kids, and I think some of what we are teaching that perpetuates this violence might be quite subconscious.
I have a son and a daughter and I want to teach them both that they are so worth while as human beings that for anyone else to violate their space emotionally or physically is not acceptable. I want to instil in them such a strong sense of self worth that the both respect others and expect this same respect themselves.
Sounds easy but anyone who is a parent will know that so often we are dealing with surviving each day and not always thinking about the small ways we cope that might collectively over time erode that self worth. The times we shout when we should have listened, the times we don’t respect or listen to their point of view because we are the parent and they must do it out way.
Now I am not saying that we must allow them to get their own way all the time and that we have to be permissive parents but I think the most important thing in parenting is thinking about how the child will feel about themselves when we say or do things to them. It is easy to snap ‘stop being silly’ but say that enough times year after year and the message the kid picks up is not one that we may have intended at all.
It takes more effort to listen to their point, and it does not have to change the outcome but it gives them the chance to feel listened to that they as a person are valuable.
My 2 year old son is going through a stage of trying to get his own way by hitting other people, I think he is also seeing where the boundaries are and how far he can push them. I don’t think he always realize how much he actually hurts people. I have tried when he does this to immediately focus on the victim and highlight to him what his actions have done. ‘Look Caleb, Kara is crying you really hurt her’ while holding the crying child. I don’t just want him to feel naughty I want him to see his actions have hurt someone else. Saying sorry has to be not because mom says so but due to a recognition of having over stepped the line on how we treat other people.
We are raising the next generation and I really hope that what we do now will make violence against others inherently abhorrent to our kids. I know this is probably a dream but I hope they society they live in will not be faced with these issues on the scale that we are seeing them today.
How do you think we can help raise children where violence against women and children is not acceptable?
Gilz
Nov 30th, 2009
Keep them away from television. Seriously, that shit can be really screwed up.