Societies influence on our parenting
Posted on 14. Sep, 2009 by Sally in Uncategorized
I have pink hair! I don’t usually mind doing things that are not in line with what society thinks and I am not really molded by the opinions others. But this weekend an incident happened that may mold my parenting way more than any theory or comment from someone else. This time it was the sinister, the ‘what if things had turned out different’, that may make me reconsider the way I do things. I so wish we lived in a society where it was the positive that brought about change rather than the negative.
Let me explain what happened. I was out with my kids and Laura’s kids and some friends. We were at Ngwenya Glass Factory the adults were sitting at the tables under the trees while the kids played in the near by. I am not a helicopter mom at all, I let the kids go off and play without watching them every minute. They were close to us and would wander to the table if they needed something or to get a drink or something to eat.
I believe kids need time to play without an adult watching all the time. I think the dynamic is different when they have some freedom. Mostly I leave them alone to get on with it and let them come and call me if there is a problem. I am not really worried about them hurting themselves or feel that I need to always prevent it, accidents are part of growing up and learning about the world.
Close to the time we were about to leave Rachel and Kiara ( both 5yrs) come up to me and say that some man has taken Kiara’s toy dog and put it in his car. This sounds very odd to me but they are visibly upset so I go to speak to Cameron (7yrs) to find out a bit more of the story. Apparently the dog was lying near them where they were playing and a man took it and put it in his car. They pointed the man out to me and from talking to them it did not sound like there was any interaction between the man (late 50 early 60’s I am guessing) and the kids. He was standing with 2 other people so I went over and asked if he had Kiara’s dog and he said he did it was in the car.
He got the toy out saying that he had wanted to hand it in to management but that could not find anyone. I found this a bit odd as there were a lot of restaurant staff around if he had really wanted to give it to someone. What I don’t understand is why take a toy from near where kids are playing anyway and why put it in your car where they had no chance of finding it if they had misplaced it? Is there and innocent explanation? It was a bit too sinister to me.
I bundled the kids in the car and left in a hurry. The kids were shaken by the whole thing and we spoke about it for quite a long time in the car. Cameron said he had told the girls to come straight to me and tell me what had happened. Thank goodness he was so savvy and they all knew better than to approach the man or engage with him alone. I praised them a lot in the car for the way they handled things and without trying to scare them too much we spoke about how important it was in any situation like this to rather alert a parent.
Whether this particular situation was sinister or not I will never know but it does show how easy it might be to lure a kid away for under a parent’s nose, our table was actually very close to the kids but like I said we were not watching them every minute.
But this bring me back to my comment in the beginning, does an incident like this highlight that we do have to watch them all the time? Do I need to become the helicopter mom? Or is teaching them how to deal with a situation like this better and giving them freedom and skills to manage potential danger worth more to them in the long run as they learn to negotiate the dangers of life. I am not sure, I want to protect but I want to allow freedom. Where is the balance and how much should incidences like this influence us?
I find it sad that we live in a society in which we can not trust the great community around us with the safety of our kids. The sense of being jointly responsible for a chid because they form part of our community seems to be gone.
Jeanette
Sep 14th, 2009
It’s disturbing, but if you were a helicopter mom, I don’t think the kids would have known to come for help. They would have expected you to just be there.
I think it’s a good thing you’re teaching them to be independant
Damaria Senne
Sep 14th, 2009
I think your children handled the situation very well indeed.
I also don’t think that it all means you should start blaming yourself and thinking that you should have been there; you should have seen, you should keep a closer eye on the kids etc. Much as we like pulling our kids’ chain with mummy sees all:-) we know we don’t. A
nd I think it’s much better that my child learn safety precautions than it is hope I’ll always be there.
Even it was all well-intentioned, I still think that the gentleman was way out of line. How did he see the situation being resolved? Did he really think that it reinforced personal safety lessons for small kids to walk up to him and say “Excuse us Mister, but we saw you pick up our toy. Can we get it back?” and he’d happily say, “I’m so glad you saw me pick it up. Let’s go to my car so I can hand it back to you.”
Gilz
Sep 14th, 2009
Props to your children from handling it so well. I don’t think it means you need to become a helicopter mum, it just means you have to re-inforce what you’ve taught your children about strangers and the odd things they do. They need to be aware that unfortunately there are “baddies” out there.
Harassed Mom » Blog Archive » Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to solve.
Sep 17th, 2009
[...] The full story is here. [...]
Meriel
Sep 17th, 2009
i admire all of you for handling it and for sharing it.
xx
Ness @ Drovers Run
Sep 17th, 2009
From this description, then yes, I am proudly a helicopter mom. All it takes, for things to go wrong is a couple of seconds.
Ask yourself if you should be a helicopter mom – if things HAD gone wrong that day? Easy answer. Well done to Cameron for having been so savvy. Thank god.
Angel
Sep 17th, 2009
I’m impressed with how the kidlets handled it.
As for hovering… I must be honest and admit that I always tried to keep my knucklehead within my sight at least. Even if it was with binoculars…
But my knucklehead is an impulsive hyperactive ADHDer, and I had to watch him like a hawk.
As a parent – who supports you? | Female2Female
Sep 21st, 2009
[...] I wrote an article a few weeks back about tips for new moms I mentioned the fact that I am not sure we are supposed to cope alone as new parents or maybe even for the whole parenting journey. It seems to me that what we have is a sense of distrust for the outside rather than a sense of support from the greater community. As highlighted for me last week with the suspicious man at Ngwenya – the story is here. [...]
Katherine SOLO dot MOM
Sep 30th, 2009
I hate it when things like this happen and I end up disappointed with humanity. It is a fine line of the overprotective “helicopter” mom and protecting our kiddos from imminent dangers. Glad yours did the right thing… with one at age 5 that is commendable.
Parenting isn’t easy and with the weirdo’s out there I probably err on the side of protection but do try to give my kids some liberties and abilities to chart the waters in the world for themselves as well. Hopefully it will work out in the end that they are safe and just learn how to protect themselves and do the “right” thing.
Thankfully this case turned out this way.