Learning to have good sex
Posted on 05. Aug, 2009 by Guest Contributor in Sex
I have been sexually active for roughly the past 9 years yet it is only in the past year or so that I have really felt in control of my own sexuality. This shift was precipitated by several factors including:
- A sudden realisation that good sex is my personal responsibility
- That I have a right to an orgasm! Preferably more than one.
- Increased confidence when it comes to sex.
My attitude towards sex has changed as a result. I do things differently now – the last time I had sex, the man in question (after several minutes of foreplay) got up and reached for a condom. “Put that away” I said, “I’m not ready yet”. It seems so simple but I would never have had the courage to say that in the past. In the past I would have just smiled, watched him put on the condom and allowed him to glide into me.
Realising that good sex is my personal responsibility means that I take charge of my own pleasure. I give my partner pleasure AND ensure that I also get pleasured. I never have sex unless I want to, and I never regret a sexual encounter. If the sex was bad or for some other reason I decide not to repeat a sexual encounter with that particular person then that’s it.
I wonder if growing older has played a role in my increased “sex” confidence. I suspect so and the thought really excites me. If I can have good sex in my thirties then my forties, fifties, sixties and seventies, will be orgasmic! Is there an age at which one stops having sex?
I wonder what the experience of other women has been. Did you get more confident about sex as you grew older? Are you confident about sex? What led to your increased sex confidence? Your thoughts?
This article was written by Nana Darkoa
Nana is a 31 year old Ghanaian woman who loves to blog, read and write. In her professional life she wears various hats which includes being a life/business coach, working for a leading women’s fund, and writing articles for a range of magazines/publications/websites. Nana is also a farmer and cultivates oil palm.”
Angel
Aug 5th, 2009
I have never had a problem enjoying sex, or talking to my partner about what I like or don’t like.
I personally think its because my first sexual partner was a lot more caring and paid a lot more attention to me than some of the lovers I have had since. And I think this is definitely not the norm for most women. Their first time, and their first sexual relationship is usually bloody awful and can put a woman off for life!
Damaria
Aug 5th, 2009
I grew more confident about sex when I grew older. part of it came from letting go of childish notions of what my role was. the man was no longer responsible for ensuring that i enjoy it; it was my responsbility to do so and i had to guide him. it also came from growing confident about my body and shape. when you stop being obssessed with the extra kilos and really appreciate the body you have, you enjoy sex more because you’re no longer self-conscious.
Laura
Aug 5th, 2009
Damaria – I think what you said is so key! When YOU accept who you are – imperfections and all – THAT is when things for me got sooo much better too!!!
Gilz
Aug 6th, 2009
If you don’t ask you don’t get.
Ask and ye shall receive…
Nana
Aug 6th, 2009
@Angel – I think having a caring sexual partner makes a lot of difference to your sexual partner and yep some people can put one off for life
@Damaria – I think the ironic bit is some women worry unnecessarily about what they look like naked whereas men do not seem to care at all – or do they?
@Laura – Ditto!
@Gilz – Well said!
Edward
Aug 7th, 2009
Nana, I don’t know about increased orgasmic reactions after 40. It actually declines in women as they get closer to their menopause. But is somewhat the same for males even till their 60s.